The Diary of Iza Reffile (Silenced) Book nine
by OhMyMockingjay
Summary: This story takes you through the mind of Iza Reffile. Way before her daughter Eliza was born. And way before she met Finnick. What happened to her that made her not want to talk. What happened to her mother? What her father does. And her deep filled emotions.


The Diary of Iza Reffile (Silenced)

This story takes you through the mind of Iza Reffile. Way before her daughter Eliza was born. And way before she met Finnick. What happened to her that made her not want to talk. What happened to her mother? What her father does. And her deep filled emotions.

(Song: Lost in paradise by evanescence)

A/N

Thanks to you all who read the whole "Quarter Quell" series. I apologize for any grammar mistakes and I hope you enjoy the last story in the "Quarter Quell" series "the diary of Iza Reffile. (Silenced)"

Part one

The little girl

How am I going to turn out, pshh who cares not any but me. It was Christmas morning and everyone was opening presents. I am now currently 5. When everyone handed me there presents I smiled big and slowly open the paper.

"It's just paper." My mother use to say.

"Yea sure if you say so." I said I carefully take it off. When I see what I got my face lit up. It was what every girl in district 4 wanted but only people in the capitol could afford it. It was a 50 karat golden ring it shimmered when the lights from the tree hit it. I gasped.

"Mother father sister brother how could you afford this!" they just looked at me. I frowned. Then everyone looked at Himined my oldest brother. I even I do so. He sat there looking at the ground.

"Himined how did you afford this." I ask he looked up at me I saw tears running down his face. My family was poor some times to the point when we didn't have enough to eat so my oldest brother went to the store and put his name in the bowl several times, one of these days he will be picked. He mumbled words. "What?" I said he stood up.

"I stole it from one of those Capitol kids!" my parents stared to yell at him. My dad came up to him and punched him in his face.

"No! don't do that!" My mother said. He turned around and slapped her. She fell down and when she looked up I see blood coming from her mouth. I scream he looks at me and starts to come after me. My older sister Karpiliana jumped on his back screaming. He took and threw her at the window. She breaks it and falls out the window. I scream and run up to my room I close the door behind me and lock the door behind me. Then I go into my closet and hide in there.

"Open this door Iza Now!" he screamed so loud it pierced my ears. "Come out now you worthless piece of Crap!" he started to bang on the door. And considering how hard he was banging he was going to knock the door down the door. I hated when he did this. I hate when he gets really mad he can't control himself. I sat in my corner crying feeling useless. But was I really as useless as I thought was. I Had no idea. When my father finally banged down my door he was yelling saying where was I. I stood up shakily. He just going to yell himself hoarse until he finds me. I open the door slightly. He turns around and looks at me. "There you are you midget !" he takes me by my arm. And punches me in my stomach. Then my face. Then only thing I remember is the searing pain the blow to my stomach cased then there was a pain in my head that felt intense. Before I see the blackness. When I woke up I was in a tree. The branch was soaked in red. Blood? It was blood I touch my head and flinch at the pain. Then look at my hand the finger tips where red. I roll my eyes. Wherein the world was I. I look down obviously nowhere near the ground. I slowly sit up. What had I done to deserve this? The only logical answer I could come up with was that I was born. I was probably the worst thing in all of Panem. I hated myself I didn't deserve to live. I could easily just jump from this tree. I sit up and sigh. Was there a point of me being alive? I think not. Who would miss me. Then my auntie Mags goes through my mind. But she isn't here right now. But she would though if anything she'd jump right after me. With the constant banging in my head I decide to climb down. I was half way down when I lost my footing and I almost fell smack onto the ground below. I didn't know how high up I was but I was up really high. I pull myself up and sit on the branch. After a while of sitting, I hear a cracking sound. I look below too see if someone was walking then heard it again. And then the branch I was sitting on snapped. Sending me falling for what seemed like forever. I cover my head with my arms and tucked my knees up to my chest and when I hit the ground I hear a snap. And felt shocking pain go up my left arm. I scream. Then my arm went numb. When I was done screaming I sat up and looked around me. All I see is ash.

"Where am I." I say to myself I stand up holding my arm. I walk forward a little. There was nobody around this place was abandon. Was I still in distract 4 has my home been bomb.

"Hello?" I said. "Is anybody here?" there was no response. I felt alone and abandon. This is as far the worse that he has done. He didn't deserve a child like me know who I am. And I am not his daughter. I need to go Aunt Mags. I started to go into a slow jog, but quickly got tired out. I sat down. "hello!" I yell a little louder the effort hurting my chest. "Is anybody out there!" my voice started to sound Hoarse from I don't know what. All I knew was that I was in another world of pain. I sat there alone crying wishing they didn't abandon me to die. Then my tears slowly started to recede when I lifted my head. That was when it became all clear. I was truly abandoned and alone this place had no other. It was deserted in its act of Rebellion. The rebellion that caused the hunger games. The same games that kill 23 people a year. 23 loved and 23 lost. I knew where I was and no I would not say I was in the pits of hell. But it sure did look like it. I stood up and blinked my tears away. According to the video that I saw in school I was in distract 13.

Part Two

The Silencing

When I started to walk back from distract 13 to distract 4 I came across the woods that came into distract 12. I walked through the woods hoping that the hovercrafts that fly above at times would not notice a little dot like me. When I finally reach the gates of distract 12 the fence was off. I creep through the hole that was placed there and keep walking. I hope I never get chosen for those games. I wonder how Auntie Mags was doing I made a mental note to ask her later. I walk casually throughout Distract 12. Then I finally I came to the end of district 12. I snuck out of there. If I was caught there would be dire consequences, I escape and look back and blink. My arm was hurt badly. I can't wait to see aunt Mags, she'll take care of me. The walk for 12 to 4 was excruciatingly long and painful I wanted to just give up and collapse and have the peacekeepers find me and put me out of my misery. But finally I see the glorious fence of distract 4. I walk slowly in. I walk slowly past my house. I stop and look at it and decide to head in. I see Himined sitting on the couch crying. He looks at me and engulfs me in a hug.

"Iza! Thank god you're alive! I thought you were dead" he said crying. I blinked and pulled away from him.

"Why wouldn't I be alive?"

"You've been gone for four days." So I was out for four days, wow.

"I woke up in distract 13." He looked at me confused.

"You're a strong girl you know that right Iza." I look up at him being tall and all and nod. I stand there. He picks me up and sits back down on the couch.

"Where is mommy?" I said he looked at me tears burring in his eyes.

"You can't tell anyone ok or daddy will go away for a long time do you understand." I blinked and nodded. "Daddy killed mommy and Karpiliana." I scream on the top of my lungs. Himined coved my mouth. " I want you to stay with Aunt Mags for awhile." He sits me down and grabs a suitcase and gives it to me. "you need to leave before daddy comes back do you understand?" I nod even though I didn't really understand. Didn't understand why daddy hurt us. I didn't understand why he sent me district 13. Didn't understand why he killed mommy and Karpiliana. I take the suitcase and kiss him on the cheek and leave. I walked to Aunt Mags house and knock on her door. She opens it and her smile disappears when she sees me.

"Good lord Iza what happened to you." So I told her the entire story of my dad beating me and sending me to district 12 to the walk all the way here. Now that I think of it. It might of took more than one day to walk from 12 to 4. When I finished she looked at me and took a wet cloth and wiped the blood from my face. She washed out the blood that was in my short black hair. Then she wrapped my arm in some Gauze.

"So why do you have a suitcase do you want to stay here for awhile." I nod.

"Yea Himined wants me to since daddy killed mommy and Karpiliana." She stood up. And yelled.

"He what." I cover my mouth I forgot I wasn't suppose to tell anyone that. And anyone met Aunt Mags too.

"No uh..."

"he killed Marthina and Karpiliana!" she stood up and marched to the door. She started to furiously walk back to my house.

"No Auntie Mags I was lying."

"No I know you. You're not a liar. You're only saying this because he doesn't want to get caught; well it's too bad for him." Stop in my tracks and blink her and I follow her again. When she finally reaches my house she pounds on the door. When my dad opens the door he looks down at his sister.

"What." He said.

"why the hell did you kill Marthina and Karpiliana are you crazy man!" my dad looked shocked then mad. Then looked at me then inside.

"Poor little Iza got it all wrong I sent her to you to tell you what happened. That Himined killed Marthina and Karpiliana she must of misunderstood." My dad tears got misty. What he can't do that. Himined is innocent. Auntie Mags face got soft and she put her hand on her younger brothers shoulder and looked him in the eye with such sympathy it could make a grown man cry and it did. For the first and probably last time in my life I saw my father cry. And it wasn't because his wife and daughter where dead. It was because he knew he could pull it off and hurt me more. Why did he always want to hurt me. I was like his little target for torture. Tears began to fill my eyes as Aunt Mags hugged him they spilled over when I heard the next words.

"we will call the police." And that's when I knew I made the biggest mistake In my life. I blabbed the truth and people took it as a lie. I never lied in my life and now I don't think I ever will. I blinked. And stood in the door way of my house as aunt Mags and my dad go down to where ever it was you report a crime was at. I don't know I don't pay much attention. The next couple where the worst. People where giving my brother a bad name all around Panem. I stayed by his side. He wasn't mad at me although it seemed like it. I told him I was sorry over and over again. But no matter how many times I would say those words they seemed never to work. They seemed over used, overrated. So I vowed only to say those words when meant them. And I did I meat each and every time they came out my mouth to Himined. But no amount of I'm sorry would ever do to the cost of his death. When the day finally came the only people who came where me Mags and Himined friends. Before the hanging he looked me in the eyes. and his eyes read a letter they said

_Dear Iza_

_You are my younger sister, and my everything and you always will be, but what is happening now is your fault and you know t. there's nothing you can do to go back in time and wish you never open your mouth. There's nothing you could of ever done._ I blink and let my tears f all. When they remove the stool from under him I had to look away. And I knew I caused this. It was my dumb mouth that did this. No one was good enough for the power of my words if they can kill I shall be silenced. I ran all the way back to my house but stopped in my tracks when I realized what will be waiting for me back there.

My dad. I didn't want to go back there. But where was I going to go I had nowhere to go. I couldn't stay with Aunt Mags she thinks he's innocent. I couldn't go back home he killed my sister and my mom and brother he was going to kill me too. Wait no I killed my brother. That was my entire fault. I stood there in that spot looking all around for a place to go. But where was I going to go. Then it hit me. There was one place I could go distract 13. I took a deep breath in and started to run off into that direction. I ran I snuck all the way there. It took what seemed like an eternity but when I finally got there I stood there in the rubble. I was going to make my own life here. When I picked up the rubble from the ground. And tried and started to build I realized I was missing the one thing I could not live without. The teddy bear my sister gave me that mom had given her. And it will be the teddy that I give my first daughter. I knew I had to go back for it. I refuse to live my life without it. I sat down in the rubble. I scream out in pain, in desire in struggle and in fear. Fear of what is going to happen to me and my teddy. I sat there until it got dark outside then I stood up and ran all the way back. On the way back I there was someone who yelled

"Hey!" I turn around and see a peacekeeper. I start to run faster. But he catches up with me and grabs my arm. I squiggle and squirm to try and break free. But it was no use.

"Where are you going?" he asked me. I didn't answer. "are you from here." I shake my head. I was now in the capitol. "ok then…well have to see what president snow has to say about this." He cuffs me in chains and drags me down to where snow was. I hate snow. It was too cold and I hate snow. With his beard of white snow. He thinks he can tell me what to do. My behind. I see him sitting in his big fancy chair he spins around and looks at me.

"sir, we have a young girl seems to be 2 she is going Awol." He stares at me and next to him was Seneca Crane. I blink at him.

"she says she is not from around here." The Peacekeepers said

"where are your parents?" he asked me. He was probably punished my dad instead of me. If he had any mercy. I stood up on my own two feet and stare at him. He repeats the question. The peacekeepers jab my back causing me to fall on my knees. He asks one more time. After I do not responds he tells the peace keeper to put me in solitary confident. The Peace keeper drags me off into a room marked room 70489 he throws me in there and closes the door. I sat there in chains tears streaming down my face. I sat there in the darkness. Wishing hope being scared. But deep down inside I knew that the only thing stronger then the fear I had. Was the hope lingering inside me. I sit there in the dark the only light showing was through the crack at the bottom of the door. I stare at it. Every time someone walks bye I see a feint shadow off feet. One time some ones walk by and stops in front of my door. Then continues on. I let out a heavy breath. I could not scream for the handkerchief in my mouth muted all sounds. I could not talk for my words were too Powerful. I probably won't come back alive. I seriously hate snow. I mean come on it was summer. And I hate snow…. He can kiss my white…there was a bump against the door that startled me. I scream a muffled scream. There was yelling right outside that door.

"That girl! That girl she is only five." That voice sounded unknown.

"Ma'm you cannot be here."

"She is from the fishing district."

"Ma'm you must leave."

"I am coming back you, Iza! Do you hear me I'll be back!" I don't know who that was screaming but they slowly got quieter. I start to rock back and forth crying tears streaming down my face. I soil my pants and sit there in my own urine. Rocking back and forth. Finally I fall over in a puddle in my own waste despite the stench which after awhile I got use to, I fall asleep.

I am roused by a hard wet sensation that sends my flying across the room. I feel like I am drowning I squirm and flop around like a fish looking for water. Is that the way there going to treat me? Like a fish out of water. When it stops the whole place is wet. I relies they sprayed me with a hose. They throw a small piece of bread at me then shut the door. I feel around for it and eventually find it soggy but I'm too hungry to care. I sit there deciding if I should cram it down or savor it. I decide to savor it. I take slow bites of it. And let the flavor explore my mouth. When I was done I swallow it. I sit there. There was a draining sound and then the brightest light I have ever seen. It blinds me at first but after awhile my eyes adjust. I look around and see I'm in a small white room no lager then a normal hospital room. I look around the room was wet. I look down and see a drain. That's what that noise was. I blink a couple of times. I just sit there. How could they do this to me. What had I done. But kill my brother. I sigh the best I can with the handkerchief in my mouth. I sit there for what seemed like hours eventually I stop being scared and start being bored. Then the door burst opens and there he was standing in a white shirt and a black jacket and black pants. Snow. and hopefully outside was no snow. I blink at him. The Peacekeepers come in and grab my arms.

"come with me." He says. I stand up the best I can ad walk down a long hallway. There was a door at the end of the hall way. He throw me in there and follows a Peacekeeper unchains my shackles and two others peacekeepers block the door. And snow stands tall and strong. While I sat on the floor. He looks at me.

"since you won't talk what shall be your punishment." I just look up at him. He stared to pace. I watch him.

"ah ha your too young to be in the games now but by the time your eight you should be healthy enough to join." Wait eight the age limit is 13 and up was he saying he wanted my life cut short. He was. "The games when you turn eight years old you shall be an extra tribute to it. If you win you shall be crowned Victor if not…" he looked at me. "the stakes are costly." He said. And I knew what he meant. I would die. And I probably was. I blink at him. "You will be relished when everything is arranged and we know for sure you will be in the hunger games." He points me to a table and says slyly.

"happy hunger games and may the odds be ever in your favor."

Part three (dedicated to Delaney)

The games

Years have passed. I sit here a day away from my Destiny. In my bed back home. My father now rarely talks to me. Rarely notices my existence. I haven't talked to anyone since I was five. No one was ever been worthy of my voice. And probably never will be. I rarely see aunt Mags but when I do she embraces me in a hug. And we hang out. But sitting here locked up in my room. Thinking about what tomorrow will bring. Two weeks ago I turned 8 and tomorrow there's the reaping. Tears silently fall down my face. This was truly my fault. Or was it. I lie down. If I close my eyes the next time I open them may be the last in this room if I don't I'll be in no shape for the training. I'm not ready for this to face death. I sighed. Wait yes I was. I am ready and if I die I can see my family and leave this hell. I need to stop the suffering and embrace what I have. The question is what did I have. Nothing, everything. The ring my oldest brother gave to me was long gone. I got rid of it a long time ago. It reminded me too much. Too much of the pain to much of the heartache. I finally close my eyes and that night I had a night mare. And it wasn't like a normal nightmare like the ones of my dad trying to kill me. No this was of the games and even before I started. I was in a field. And this was no ordinary field. The grass was over 20-70 feet tall. I had to run through the grass and being 4 foot 5 did not help. Then out of nowhere there was a cloud covering the sky. Wait this was no cloud it was a shadow. I try and make out who's shadow it was. Was it one of the other tributes. No it was not. It was president snows shadow. He looked mad. Like I ruined everything. I guess I have. I ruined my family's life I ruined presidents snows life and of course I ruined my life. I gasp in horror as I see that he has come to attack me. With hatchet raised high I sit up screaming in my bed as I thought the hatchet met my skin. He would want to kill me I know he would. But yet again who wouldn't. I killed so many before. The games is where I belong. I open my Curtin. Daylight. What time did I even go to sleep last night? This was the day the day I would go into combat with other kids older than me. Today was the day I turn into a killer. Today was the day I fight for my pathetic life. Today. I. grow. Up. And it not the type of growing up you do when you turn 16 or 18 it's you have to take resopsibiliys starting now And this is altering I could come out crazy like I think everyone is going to attack me. Or I could stay the same. I don't think I will. But considering where I come from I won't. I sigh. My dad calls me down and I walk slowly down the stairs. I open the fridge.

"Get out of there you mangy mutt!" my dad yells at me.

"You don't need crap!" he said. I look at him I put cold Fish in the oven. He stomps over to me. When the Fish was done he took it out. He fumbled with it cause it was hot. Then threw it on my face and said.

"I hope you die!" the Fish burned my face. I scream and throw it off. "oh shut up maggot!" that's when I ran to my room and sat there crying. I bawl my eyes out. I notice a piece of paper in the corner of my rom. Just sitting there. I walk over to it and held it by the end. I take another end and give myself a paper cut. The stinging sensation feels good to the pain I feel now. I do that more times all up on my arm. Then put it in my other hand and do the same. The pain it cause gives me relief I watch as the blood trickles down my arm. I sigh . I feel much better now. Once the bleeding stops I get up and walk over to the bathroom. I grab the gauze from the top shelf. I wrap it all around my arms. I look I the mirror I had a red fish shaped burn across my face. Then I hear a banging on my front door. I run down the stairs.

"where is the little girl." it was a Peacekeeper. I nod. "Come With us." They said. I grab my bag. And look at my dad. He stood up and looked at me. Then I was off. My dad stood in the door way and watched me as I walked away. Walked away to my death.

I enter the justice building and there was somebody there to greet me.

"you must be the extra tribute." She said. She was tall and had medium length light brown hair. Smooth mocha skin. Her hair was strait. I look her in her eyes. And nod. "I'm sorry but you will not be given a mentor. You will start training immediately. You will wake earlier then the rest of the tributes. And do everything in privet do you understand." I nod and walked over to the hand eye coordinates station. I stat up the machine that threw tennis balls at you I start it on high. Once it starts shooting three balls at a time I catch them all. Over and over again I start to catch one every single one of them. The lady looks at me as if she is impressed. When I was done I work on my weaker skills like archery. I try and hold the bow and arrow in my hand but it keeps falling out. Eventually I am able to hold it in my hands. I wasn't able to shoot it off right away. But then I just got fed up and picked up the arrow and threw it at the target I get a bull's eye and smile. I turn to catch a arrow that was soaring at me.

"you are not supposed to be here." The lady said she should really introduce herself its common courtesy.

"Yes I can I was chosen for the reaping from district one."

"The reaping happened early there." She said the boy nods. He looks to be about 16 or 17 at the most. "Where is the other tribute?"

"I don't know where Gladiess is." He turns to me and says. "that's my little sister I'm Thadiess. I smile at him he stared at me. "you should introduce yourself its common courtesy." He said I couldn't introduce myself to him. What if my name caused havoc? I start to back away. "no, no if your shy that's fine." Thadiess had short blond hair and dull gray eye. He wore a leather jacket that was zippered all the way up. His pains seemed to leather too but I don't think they were not. I stop backing away and smile again. "you have good senses." He said. I nod.

"do you have permission to be here." The lady asked. Thadiess tilted his head from side to side. I come to recognition that he is my first friend like person. "you must leave." The lady said.

"Aw." He said. I point to myself then to him.

"Why don't you talk?" the lady asks me. Then Thadiess began to walk I follow him.

"She somewhat uptight." Thadiess said. I nod.

"So why don't you talk?" he asked me I just looked at him. "Oh." He said. " you can make hand signals and ill try and figure out what you're saying. It'll be like a little game of charades." Do I dare tell him my god forbidden past? Who I actually was. On the down side. If I tell him I'd lose a friend on the plus side he would fear me. And that's what I want right. I want him to fear me. I want them all, to fear me. I was going to lose him either way so I decided to try and tell him the best I could. I point to myself. "you." He said. Then make the height of a foot with my hand from the floor to my knee. "small." He said. "when you where little." He said I nod. I point to myself again. "you." Then I did a off with the head sign. "you…..chopped off….." I shook my head and made a bow and arrow figure and pretended to shoot it. "you shot?" I shook my head again. "you killed?" he asked. I nodded. "when you where little you killed…who." I pointed to myself. Then made a tall sign above my head. "you killed tall?" I shake my head. I repeat the movement and pat my fist over my heart to signature brother.

"you killed your brother? When you where little you killed your brother?" I nod and sit down in the middle of the floor.

"How. By talking?" I nod. He just stood there and looked down at me. Great not only did I lose my first friend he thought I was a freak. I look up at him tears streaming down my face. He was smiling.

"I'm sure you didn't. something must of happened that lead to his death." He looked at my arms. "what happen to your arms?" I stare at him. He waits for an answer . I shake my head. "oh." He said. Then he looked at me, and just like my brother on the day that he died he's eyes read a note.

_Dear girl I think you're an insane freak get the hell away from me and never talk to me again you psycho path. _ I was expecting him to back away but instead he said "I'm so sorry." The lady comes out and tells me I need to finish training before the other tributes got her. I shrug and shake my head. Thadiess was cool and he accepted me. I wanted to spend more time with him, but why was I all of a sudden head over heels for him. No, I would kill him or he would kill me either way. I was not going to make it out alive. I was short scrawny and unfed. The chances of me winning. Who was I trying to fool there were no chances of me winning? He takes my hand and tells me he knows a place we could hang out before he had to start training.. we walk up a flight of stairs all the way to the roof the justice building. You had a whole view of the capitol here. He sat down and I sat down next to him. I knew his trick he wanted to become all buddy, buddy with me so it would be easy to kill me. I just played along. "This is a great view isn't it." I nod I look at all the people of the capitol and there fashion. I always liked the way the people in the capitol dress so unique. "what district are you from?" Thadiess asked me. I held up four fingers. "Four, alright the fishing district!" he lets out a loud deep hardy laugh. I wonder what was so funny. I looked at him confused. "Nothing, it just district four is at an advantage with three tributes and all." I nod he turns his head and looks at me. "You got a boyfriend?" I shake my head. He looks out back into the distance, and looks at me out the corner of his eye. "a girlfriend." I shake my head rigorously. He laughs. "I wish I knew your name…I'm just going to all you lil bit alright." I was cool to have my first nickname. It made me feels I like I belong. Like there was a purpose to me like I had meaning. Then I see the districts come in signaling that Thadiess had to go. I wave good bye to him. He pulls me in a hug "bye, lil bit." He said. In my chamber I watch the districts chariot rides. Wish I could do that. At least have some glory and fame to march to my death. But no I would have nothing. Nothing but shame. Humiliation and death. When the chariot ride was over. I listen to president snow speech. Crap not snow. I look outside there was only a little on the ground. Then I listen to snow speech.

"happy hunger games and may the odds be ever in your favor, we salute your courage and your sacrifice. This year's hunger games are slightly different. There will be an extra tribute." I could hear mummers In the crowd people are going to hate me I can tell. He continues. "We do not know her name but she will be _that one girl_ in the arena. And have private proper training like the rest of you." The mummers continue. I sit back into the couch. Alone an tired. I ignore the rest of Snow's speech and lay my head down to try and go to sleep. And once I do it seems immediate the nightmares start. This time I don't know where my designative spot was. But I was walking along bridge and my dad found me and pushed me off. Then jumped in after me and tried to drown me. I leap up. Gasping for air. The T.V was static. I look around me. There was no one. I sigh. There was never anyone around me. I get up and walk over window. And look below. There was no life. Everyone was asleep in their soft beds. I sit against the window and start to cry softly to myself. This was messed up all I needed was my teddy bear. All I needed was to be loved all I needed was to have my life back. But all that was impossible. I was the unloved and it was time for me to except it. No one ever loved me. No one does and no one will ever love me. I was destined to be alone…..forever. I fall asleep on the ground right then and there and when I wake the first thing I notice is that it was daylight. The second thing I notice was that I was desperately hungry. Is that why they call it the hunger games? Because all that training makes you hungry I walk down stairs in the dining hall. And when I open the doors. There was tables filled with all the tributes. They all stopped talking and looked at me. Apparently I missed my breakfast call and walked into the tributes eating. Damn bad move on my part. They all stare at me. The two other tributes from four look at me. I recognized them as Zia Pilligram with her long curls brown hair freckles and round eyes. And Einsliebe Hier he had brown hair that covered his brown eyes he also had freckles and was somewhat muscular. They give me death stares all but Thadiess and what I assume was his sister. His sister had really long wavy hair and big round brown shiny eyes. She looked at me and smiled a beautiful perfect smile that was just stunning. I smile back at her.

"you're not supposed to be here." One of the tributes say.

"Come on you guys give her a chance," Thadiess said. Everyone looked at him. I sit down between Gladiess and Thadiess. Gladiess looked to be around my age.

"hi I'm Gladiess my brother tells me you don't talk." I nod then someone over heard the conversation and said.

"you don't talk , what can you not talk are you stupid or something." I turn to see a guy with a buzzed cut blond hair dim blue eyes. He was slightly more muscular then Einsliebe but way taller than him. I did not recognize him. He got up from his chair and started to walk this way. There was a lady with a pink dress and pink wig on her makeup was pink and overall she had the capitol look. She said.

"mind your manners." He turned and looked at her then back at me. "what's your name pip squeak." I just looked at him.

"Thoth sit down." Thadiess said.

"no, no what's wrong with this girl." He looks at every one. "She gets to be pampered and privet training because what." He looks back at me. "Because she's different she can't talk."

"Thoth you're making a fool of yourself sit back down." The lady in the wig said.

"Shut up Effie!" Thoth yelled back at her. She sat back down quietly. "Lookie here Cutter!" he got up in my face. "You're going to die and I'm going to be the one who kills you." A black man comes and brings him out of my face. He tried to shake him off but he couldn't do it. And he sat him back down. So much for let them fear me. But yet again Thoth didn't scare me. None of them did. When I was given a plate I wasn't sure if I could eat it. But then everyone else started to ignore me I take a bite of the food. The chicken tastes sensational. I start to scarf it down and I finish the whole meal in less than 3 minutes. When I lift my head from my plate. Everyone was staring at me once again. I blink at everyone.

"wow you eat fast." Thadiess said. I smile at him and everyone slowly starts to eat again. I sit there. Then I look over at Gladiess. There she was the way she chewed her food was marvelous. Each chew was perfect and steady. I blink in confusement. What was I thinking? Was she just a perfect angel or was I falling for…a girl…was that wrong…was I wrong was I a cursed abomination. I jumped down from my chair. And run back to my chamber. I was so confused what is this feeling I am having. This is just another girl like…why am I having these feelings for her. I don't understand. But I know that she is one of the most beautiful girls in Panem. Without the help of the capitol. Unlike that Effie girl seriously what is up with her. she reminds me of a donkey. I don't want be mean but….what is that.

"A monkeys uncle?" I turn to see Thadiess at the door. I shrug my shoulders. "Not sure what you where thinking but it's a Monkeys Uncle." I blink at him. Then there was a knock at my front door. And the Effie donkey Kong Thadiess leaned over and Sings. "here comes Effie Trinket Coming to spoil all your fun. She's to Bend up on rules she will make you drool. She loves to be educate you'll beg for mercy and call her an idiot. Effie is president snow's Hose and she looks like troll." I fall on the floor laughing and Effie just stares at me.

"have you seen Thoth?" I get up and look at her face and fall down laughing.

"hey I got you to say something!: I looked him. "well laughing is a sound so…" I shake my head. "Darn" "Well you have a cute laugh." I blush. "you remind me of a little girl same age as you from my district." I stare at him and tilt my head to the side wanting him to tell me more. I think he knew what I meant by the head tilting my head because he started talking about this girl her name was Kazia she was very short and scrawny. He said that she lived with abusive parents and her mom and sister went missing one day out of nowhere. And so did she but what I know is that her dad murdered her mom and sister and I think he killed her too. When he finished I realized she sounded a lot like me. The only difference was that I was alive…and she was not I look at my clock. And the time said 8:30 I realized I was supposed to be downstairs training. So I left the room and he followed me. I go to hand eye coordinate station. I figured out that they adjusted the machine to throw 6 balls at a time. I set it there. Thadiess stares at me in Awe the whole time. I think he was shocked to see what I can do. Then the lady walks in. and freaks out when she sees Thadiess watching me train. I didn't know she walked in until I hear her screaming for Thadiess to get out. I ball almost hit me in the face when I turn around to see her. as soon as Thadiess runs out she grabs me by the arms and says.

"You want to see snow!" she throws me in the little snow that has fell I squeal. Then she takes my arms again which starts to bleed and says. "I'm taking you to snow." When I walk through the door the familiar stench of roses and blood hit me again. I never understood why he smelled like this. But it creped me out. He was eating something that looked weird. I find out he was just eating liver. I stop and look at him weird.

"what happened now."

"she was caught with a lover in training which I remind you not is suppose to be done In private." He just looked at me. Then he got up from his chair.

"You think you are a tough cookie…" I shrug. "You are being put in these games as a punishment may I remind you not. Not so you can socialize and fall in love." I was not in love with Thadiess. That was preposterous.

"I let you have an advantage by training and such but now… I shall take that away from you. You shall get Solidarity confinement until the start of your games. but before you stare your solitary confinement you will be sent to a whipping. 35 whips" I look at him telling him to have mercy. 35 whips would kill me. "in fact make it 45. That will be all Miss Mimsity. So that was her name Mimsity or at least her last name. she gives me to a peace keepers who put a handkerchief around me and in my mouth this time it was red instead of blue. And chains on my feet. They march me down to a large area where everyone could see me getting whipped. They throw me down on the ground. I see the man raise his arm and before he puts it down I see her, Gladiess her hair flowing in the breeze. I look at her. she was crying. As I look her in the eyes there was one thing I know for sure. I was falling in love with her. at that moment I didn't care what gender. I was falling for her. I look at her brother who mouthed.

"I'm so sorry." And I mouth.

"it's ok I deserve it." This will be punishment for my brother's death. These games will be punishment for me taking my brother's life. My own life being taken would be punishment. As his arms come down it seems everything slows down. Gladiess looks away as the whip hits my skin and tares my flesh. I scream out in pain. The pain was too much. No I could take it. All my life there was pain. And then it hit again. I could feel the bit of my flesh being torn off. I couldn't hear anything but this horrifying scream then a terrifying realization accrues to me. That the horrifying sound is coming from me. I wasn't going to make it out alive. Or was I. it was black bleak and dark. I never felt so cold in my life. I was sure I was dead. Then I realized I was moving I'm alive. How? It was pitch black everything was. Was I blind folded. Then it hit me the agonizing pain although out my body the way I was moving felt not normal as a human. The floor was wet and there was a smell of urine and blood. I started to gag. Where was I all I remember was the whipping then that's when I remember her face Gladiess. She looked terrified. As each whip hit my skin. Her brown shiny eyes glowing against the cloudy sky. I started to scream. I wanted out. I wanted to be free but there was no hope no one can hear me. I just moved around listening to the sounds of my chains rattling. How long was I out. A couple minuets hours maybe days. I cry again and I realized my face was already soaked in tears. How could they take me away from her? I never wanted to leave her. I swear when I enter the games I won't be the one who kills her. Then my door open. And someone say….

"it's time." Time for what the games. My fight for survival to start. my death to start. They march me into the hover craft. All the tributes looked at me. Some of them made faces because I smelled so bad. I sat next to Gladiess.

"are you ok." I nod and she hugged me. Thadiess leans over and says.

"I am really sorry I didn't that to you I….it's my fault…let me be the one you kill ok…" was he offering himself to me. I would not take it. I look at him for a long time. Then back down in shame. A lady asks for my arm I hold it out and she puts something in it. I look at Thoth he was grinning at me. And not a type of welcome back smile like. Welcome to your doom smile. I look back down at the floor and let my tears fall. Gladiess wipes my tears from my face. I look at her. She was crying too.

"I don't want to die." She said. I hug her. I would die for her. I vow to protect her with all my being… I would kill for her. When the hover craft landed I was taken to a place where the Peacekeepers undid my chains and let me go. The people in the capitol hose me down and clean me up and cleanse me for my death. I blink. When I look in the mirror was this truly me. It could have not been. I was not this beautiful. Or was I. all my life I was told I was ugly fat small weak dumb stupid and a lot of other terrible word I dare not repeat. But was it finally time that I realize the truth. Before it was too late. They dress me in a black jump suit that had a magenta belt around it. And magenta wrist bands. Then they shove me in a tube thing I don't really know what's going on. All I know was that I was ready to face my death I was ready to protect the girl I so call loved. I look out the tube and see president snow. Darn not him. I bet he was hoping I die in solitary confinement. The tube started to move upward. Then there was a bright blinding light once again. Then all I see around me is an empty field. Then I see the other tributes then an area with weapons and such. I was no good with weapons I had no training. The snow on the grass was slowly melting away the dark weary clouds hung heavily over us. The chill of the air nipped at my skin as I stood there listening to the countdown. When he got to zero my life would end and my life would begin. I sucked in the brisk chilling air as the countdown reached 10. Then 9 then 8 where was I going to go there was a field of wheat a couple of miles off. Then further back I could see trees. I would go there. I know I was a excellent climber 5… this was it… 4… the last seconds of my life… 3…I was going to run away …2… the only question is…1… can I run fast enough? I jump from my pedestal and start to run for the woods. Then I see Thoth running towards me with a brick in his hand. I start to run and run I do. As fast as the wind may come I go. Then I trip and fall. Thadiess with Gladiess in his arms runs towards me. I was sure he was going to kill me. Then he scoops me up from the grounds and runs. We enter the high wheat fields. Then he sets me and Gladiess down. I look over to her. then up at him. He had done saved me. But why?

"we got to make it to the wooded area." Thadiess said. Gladiess stood up and nodded in agreement. I slowly stood up. The wheat field was just like the one from my dream except the wheat was only 20 feet high.

"where are you, you little cutter huh! Show yourself I thought people like you where not scared to die!" I hear Thoth yelled. Thadiess picked me up and carried me all the way to the wooded area. By the way Thadiess was breathing I could tell he was getting winded and his lungs must be on fire. When we reach the wooded area it seemed bleak and dark and spooky. Like the woods you see in spooky ghost movies. We enter the woods and run into the deepest part of them. I start to climb a good hiding tree. With Thadiess behind me and Gladiess behind him. Once we were high above I snuggle in behind some branches. The trees in the forest where naked and rough. There were no sign of life on them. Once we were settle Thadiess breathing heavy turned to me and Gladiess and said.

"I'm going to protect you two with all my being." It was quite a coincidence that broth and sister has been chosen from a reaping. Rare but it happens occasionally. He was going to protect me and I was going to protect Gladiess.

"how old are you?" Gladiess asks me out of the blue. I hold up eight fingers. "eight, your young, well I'm 13." 13 she looked smaller than that. I hear footsteps below us. I peer my head through the rough branches and look below. I see district 4 Zia and Einsliebe then district 12 Thoth and some girl with hair so blond it was white as snow.

"That's Thebes." Gladiess said. I smile at her and she smiles back her stunning beautiful smile. That just makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. So warm it knocks the cold away. I eavesdrop into their conversation.

"So we are going after _that one girl_ right." Thoth said.

"I've seen her around she seems weak and just plain wrong." Zia says about me.

"Yea let's bring her down!" Einsliebe said. They all cheered and went off looking for me.

"There after." Thadiess said. I nodded. They where after me did that mean I was a threat to them. Good they did fear me in some sort of way. In a way where they wanted me eliminated first. Out of their hair. I leaned back against the trunk of the tree. And sighed. I was going to die. Thadiess hugs me and then Gladiess. Then he said.

"I'll be back I'm going to find some food and water."

"Please come back." Gladiess said. Thadiess nodded and jumped down. I hear him sneak away. I sit there. And I realized that I haven't ate since my whipping which I assume was a couple of days ago. I sit there feeling numb and useless. This is where Gladiess can kill me now. I turn my slowly and look over at her. She was sitting there stare at me.

"if we stay quite we won't be can't get caught." I smile weakly and close my eyes. When I was awakened by a loud booming noise I count how many.

"16 people are already dead." Thadiess said. Good he came back he handed me a basket of something. It looked like cherries. I popped a couple in my mouth. He hands me something else that was holding water.

"Can you make basket." I nod.

"Good I found this one out there. I'm assuming someone from 4 is dead." I take a drink and when the water hits my dry tongue a sense of relief washes over me. The way the water felt was undesirable felt like little pieces of heaven where on my tongue. I let a moan of pleasure. And lie down on the branch. I was awoken from a rustling on the branch. I look around it was pitch dark because of the low hanging clouds. I knew in my heart that, that rustling was to coming from somebody who was asleep on this tree. I know what I had to do. I open my mouth and let out a huge scream wakening Thadiess and Gladiess. They jump and immediately arrows start to fly from above. I start caching them and throwing them back. One person falls all the way to the ground. Then another then the arrows stop and a rustling happened and I felt at ease they had left. I look over at Gladiess she was looked shaken and confused. I hold her in my arms. She started to shake. I pat her head.

"You…saved us…" I look at Thadiess and nod. He hugs me. "Why." I make a heart with my hand and point to him and Gladiess. Saying that I loved them. And I did Thadiess was my first friend my only friend. He seemed true. Gladiess was the love of my life she was the one I wanted to marry I know that for sure. These two people are protecting me from certain death. But why. What had I done for them. The answer was nothing. Nothing at all. All I did was come into these games as a punishment knowing I would die. But this is a punishment. Having friends is not a punishment. Loving others is not punishment and experiencing this is not a punishment. Maybe there was hope. Hope for a new day. Hope that I would live once again. So there for I will try. And try my best and if I die I'll die knowing that I did what I could and this was truly…my calling. I look out onto the bare trees and the half snow covered ground. Then up at the cloudy skies. There was a canon. I jumped and lied back down with Gladiess in my arms. Then next few days where quite since people are stupid and died on the first day. Thadiess, Gladiess and I remained in the tree. Only two other canons went off since last week. I was eating and looked over at Gladiess, she looked really hungry. I gave her the rest of my biehka berries she ate them. I smiled at her. I've been thinking she was like that and she liked me back. I scooted closer to her. Gladiess looks at me and grabs my face and kisses my passionately the type of kiss that said. I would never hurt you and I'm always here for you. You're my everything my world. I look at her in shock then Thadiess. Thadiess just smiles at us. A canon goes off. Then another. Thadiess jumped up then starts to climb down.

"We need to get out of here. Some place safer. The people what attacked us the first night might still be out there. It's just us…..and one other person. We all looked at each other we knew this day would come. We jump down for her was right as soon as we start to run I hear.

"Hey you!" I turn to see Thoth running at me. This was it the moment where I died. Thadiess stood in front of me.

"you have to kill me first. He takes a knife and I thought he was going to throw it at Thadiess he throws it at Gladiess. She falls down and Thadiess attacks Thoth. I run over to her. the knife was logged into her leg. She was screaming out in pain. That was all I could hear. Where her terrified little screams I held her in my arms. Then what happens next happens way to first. She took the knife from her leg and tried to stab me. I grab her wrist. I here Thadiess scream. Then after a couple of seconds a canon went off. Today we will have a victor. And it won't be me. Thoth stands over Gladiess and slits her throat so easily. I hear the Knife going through her skin slicing her veins. I scream. All the ones I loved where dead. Let Thoth be the winner I give up. I stood up and I was going to raise my hands in surrender when he say something that shake's me.

"I hope you die." The last words my father had said to me before I was put in these retched games. My father wanted me dead. Snow wanted me dead and so did Thoth. No I don't want to die I want to live. And live I shall. He threw his knife at me. But I caught it blade between my pointer finger and my middle finger and threw it at him. I hit him in the eye. Like I would do. Every single time. If I had. To be. A murderer. That was It he fell to his knees and I was crowned victor. Victor of what being a murder. All I had to go back to was an abusive dad. These games brought nothing to me nothing at all. If your reading this you know who I am what I did why I don't talk. You know I'm a monster in disguise. I don't belong her no way no how. You know

I am Iza Reffile. And I'm damn proud.


End file.
